Things are Depressing

But I'm trying, as well as I can

I kind of touched on some of these things in an older blog post #CapitalismRewardsHorriblePeople but I’ve really hit a wall lately.

I was keeping to a solid routine of waking up early, doing a day of projects, job applications, etc and going to bed at a reasonable hour. I also started to do more cooking and cooking different things.

Lately, however, being “normal” is getting hard, really really hard. I’m on the sofa all day, awake all night staring at the ceiling, and all kinds of hungry. To the point I’ve shouted out in to the internet universe for help :

This is a bit of a shout in to the void but I’m getting desperate.

Since my income was sliced in half (#BurnOut / #SadisticManagers) and everything is doubling in price I’ve had to choose between bills and food, this month I had no choice.

Both lost to the bare necessities.

The most I could spend on myself was 16€ for my birthday dinner. I’ve lost 10kg, I’m scraping the barrel to exist.

If anybody can help with anything, I’d be grateful

Genuinely, even if its a couple euro to spare I can at least skate by (which I guess is the theme of 2023).

All this while I’m desperately trying to find a job and going through interviews to get out of this situation.

But you know, Macron at least politely asked the supermarkets to reduce costs (traverser la route ne semble pas aider)

I’ve basically been existing on bread and water for nearly a month and still just under two weeks to go.

I’ve got half a kilo of flour left, no soap and cat litter needing to be replaced. I feel like shit mentally, physically, and soon I’ll get to smell like it too.

Only the cats have been spared from this since their food and care is non-negotiable. I’ll get kicked out of my house before they go hungry (except I miscalculated on the litter by a week)

It has been real bad lately, food prices are getting stupid, people who are on double my income are struggling to get to the end of the month and I’m struggling to get to the end of the first day that I receive my assistance. I’m applying to all kinds of jobs now, anything, ignoring all the red flags along the way.

So I can move past this particular part of the post, if you can help, I’d really appreciate it. You can also send a EUR amount to this IBAN, nothing is too small NL18 BUNQ 2206 2327 31.

Anyways, one of the things I’m trying to do is socialise more. Honestly I don’t have a lot of energy at the moment, so trying to organise some get togethers at my appartement and I’m looking at trying to volunteer my excess time to go out and just see other humans (I know the cats will hate that).

I got a push in the right direction from a really good interview I did, it was a technical win since I wasn’t chosen for a fairly minor point out of my control. The point here was I threw everything at it and I got far on it.

At the moment I’m just waiting, waiting for my income, waiting to hear from jobs, waiting to hear back from charities, and there is little more I can do about this so I just have to wait.